3 years ago today...

Three years ago today, my beautiful baby boy was born.  I can't believe he's 3.  I decided to share my birth story that I wrote shortly after having him.  My views on some aspects of the birthing process have changed a bit, but this is what I remembered and how I felt only a few weeks after Jake entered the world.  It was fun reading through it.  I'll go through and edit some of the most graphic details, but I will leave most as is... so fair warning, you're going to be reading about some of the not-so-pretty parts of the birthing process.  If that makes you uncomfortable, then don't read it.  You've been warned.

Enjoy!

"July 16th was my due date, and that morning started out like most mornings.  I had my 40 week doctor's appointment and got up to get ready for that.  I'm not going to lie, I was feeling pretty down this day.  It seemed like EVERYONE said I was going to go into labor before my due date, but here I was, 40 weeks pregnant, and nothing.  I had been "having signs" for the past week and a half, but even that had slowed down.  So I decided that even though I was feeling down, I wasn't going to look like I was feeling down.  I took a nice long shower, and did my hair and make up.  Justin and I went to my doctor appointment.  He said I was almost 3cm and ready to go at any point.  Actually, he said "the gun is loaded... the trigger is ready to be pulled at any moment".  Too bad I wasn't in charge of pulling that trigger!  He also swept my membranes, which really wasn't too painful.

We went home and I just relaxed as Justin worked on his most recent project on our home.  Around 3pm he said he needed to run some errands, so he went out and I stayed home, sitting on the couch and spending some time checking out cafemom and facebook on my laptop.  On cafemom, I was reading a post in my July 2009 group about ladies who kept peeing themselves because of the way the baby was pushing on them.  Sometime around 4, while Justin was still out, I felt uncomfortable and decided that maybe I should go to the bathroom.  I got up and went.  After I was done, I stood up and felt a little gush of fluid.  I honestly thought I had just peed myself, especially after reading all of those "I keep peeing myself" posts!  So I sat back down to try to empty my bladder more.  A little pee came out, so I figured I had finally gotten so huge that I had lost all control of my bladder.  I went back to the couch, and continued to check out CM and FB.  I would sit in one place, then move a little, and feel a little gush of fluid.  I would get up and go to the bathroom and sure enough I was able to pee a little every time.  I knew there was a chance my water had broken, but since there wasn't a lot coming out, I figured it was more likely that I was just peeing myself.  So I changed and put on one of the jumbo pads I had bought for the post pardom bleeding, and waited for Justin to get home.

He came home and I told him what was going on.  He was thinking it was my water that had broken, but I told him that I thought I was just peeing myself.  Plus, I wasn't having any contractions.  We had plans to go out to dinner with our parents for Italian food, and decided we would still meet them for dinner, but not tell them about my little situation :)  When we got to the restaurant I was still "peeing" myself and had to excuse myself to use the bathroom a couple of times.  The funny thing was, every time I went to the bathroom, I was always able to go.  I was so confused - I honestly had no idea what was going on.  During dinner I didn't have much of an appetite and started feeling really uncomfortable sitting in that chair.  My back was hurting and all I wanted to do was go home and relax.  Justin wanted to go downtown for dessert and I was like "Um, no.  I want to go home".  So after dinner, we headed home.  On the car ride home, at exactly 8pm, right as my husband was saying that he thought I was in labor, I said "Uhh... something weird is happening".  My back hurt even more and it felt like I was getting a bad gas pain.  It lasted for 30-40 seconds.  Justin was sure that it was a contraction and began timing.  It was happening every 6-7 minutes.

When we got home, we decided to go on a walk to see if I was getting contractions, or if it was just a little after dinner gas.  Walking around was very uncomfortable and everything Justin was doing seemed to annoy me.  He would stop, look at someone's house, make comments about it, and I was like "Can we please just keep walking and not stop every 5 feet??"  Finally after 30 minutes of walking, I was over it and just wanted to go home and recline on the couch.  So that's exactly what I did.  Justin started doing little things around the house, like doing some dishes and picking up a bit, and I timed my "gas pains" with an online contraction timer.  They were now between 4 & 5 minutes apart and were about 1 minute long,  They were very regular, and I kept gushing fluid here and there.  Ok, I know at this point it seems very obvious I was in labor, but I was so afraid of going to L&D and being told it was pee and gas, and to come back when I was really in labor.  But around 9:30pm. my gas was getting intense and my back was killing me, so we decided to call my doctor.  He had originally told me to call when contractions were between 10 & 15 minutes apart. When I told him what was going on, he told me to head in.  So Justin took a quick shower, and around 10pm we headed to the hospital.

On the way there I continued getting "pains" and they were getting more intense.  We got in a room right away and I was hooked up to a monitor and sure enough, I was having contractions,  The nurse checked me and I was at 4cm.  She also checked to see if it really was my water that had broken, and sure enough, that's what all those little gushes were :)  At one point, she was checking to see how dilated I was and a ton of water gushed out - it was like someone poured a bucket of water out of me.  Justin said there was A LOT of fluid.  Had that happeend earlier, I would have definitely known it was my water, lol.  My nurse said I could get an epidural if I wanted (it was around 10;30pm) but I said I wanted to see how long I could go without one.  We began calling family and letting people know I was in labor.  Soon, my mom, dad, mother in law, sister, aunt, and my good friend all showed up in my labor and delivery room.  My contractions were getting a little more intense and when I would have one, everyone would stop talking and look at me.  I was like "Could you please just keep talking??  It keeps my mind off of the pain".

Sometime around 12am (I think... at this point my frame of reference starts getting a little fuzzy) the nurse came to check me again.  I was at 5cm.  I don't know what happened but after that my contractions started getting super intense and I felt like my lower back/tailbone was going to break off.  It was horrible.  Finally at 1am I said "Ok, put me on the list for an epidural... I might be wanting one soon."  They had said it would be an hour or so because the anesthesiologist was in a c-section.  I said that was fine because I still wasn't 100% sure I wanted the epidural.  Well, after that hour I was begging for the epidural.  During contractions I would cry out "epidural ladyyyyyyyyyy!"  I think I traumatized my poor sister... now she never wants kids, lol.  At this point my contractions were 1 minute long and only 30 seconds apart and I was 8cm.  After an hour and a half, I asked about the epidural and another woman was getting it done and I was up next.  Around 3 it was finally my turn.  I began crying a little because I felt like I was a failure.  I wanted so bad to make it without one, but the pain was so intense I couldn't stand it anymore.  I was having some gnarly back labor and couldn't take the pain anymore.  The anesthesiologist came in and I was so happy to see her.  I told her she was my new best friend, lol!  At this point my contractions were on top of each other,  Before one would even end, the other was starting again.  I wasn't getting any rest in between.  My nurse was even saying "I'm so sorry honey, I know this is so hard.  You aren't getting any breaks!".  (By the way, I had the most amazing labor and delivery nurse ever. She was my age, super sweet, and after talking to her for a while we found out that she too was a Christian.)

Finally I began to get my epidural.  I don't know what hurt worse, the contractions or the epidural.  It was SO painful.  I needed a distraction and for some reason began singing "I love You Lord and I lift my voice, to worship You oh my soul, rejoice.  Take joy my King, in what You hear, may it be a sweet, sweet sound in Your ear" over and over again.  Well let me tell you, the noise coming from me wasn't a very sweet, sweet sound, but it seemed to work.  It relaxed me more than I had been the entire labor.  It makes me wonder if I had kept that up, would I have been able to make it without an epidural?    But I was still in a lot of pain and something about it just didn't feel right.  Even though the epidural was now in, the epidural site still hurt really bad and I wasn't feeling any relief.  After about 20 minutes of no relief, the anesthesiologist said "I don't like this at all.  You should have some relief by now.  We're taking it out and doing it again."  I began crying because I was afraid maybe epidurals wouldn't work on me.  My nurse kept telling me it would be ok.  I kept singing the same lines, over and over again.  I went through another painful epidural, but this time it worked!  They started asking me if it was working and I said "I think so... I THINK I'm having a contraction right now..."  they laughed and said "yeah, it's working."  I finally began to relax and my nurse said "I was praying for you the whole time!  You did such a good job!"  Like I said, she was amazing!

After that, I felt so much better.  I could still feel my contractions, but they weren't painful, just a tightening feeling.  I was also able to better enjoy my company and even doze off for a bit.  Apaprently at one point the baby and I were getting a little too relaxed and I needed a little oxygen to wake up the baby a bit.  Around 6am they decided that it would be time to push soon.  Everyone was kicked out of my room (except for Justin), and at 6:20am, I began to push.  One of my fears was pooping while I pushed... and I kept trying to not poop while I pushed, but finally decided that it was hindering my pushing abilities so said "screw it!" and began pushing with everything in me.  I liked that I could still feel what was going on, it just wasn't as intense.  After a little over an hour of pushing, they called my doctor and he was in there within 5 minutes.  Now things started getting serious.

I kept pushing and pushing.  When the head was crowning I could feel that I was tearing.  It was fairly painful, even with the epidural.  Then my doctor began giving me an episiotomy, which also didn't feel to pleasant.  At the time I didn't really care though, I just wanted the baby out.  (Afterwards, I had asked him about it and he said I began tearing up as well, which is why he decided to give me the episiotomy - so I wouldn't tear up anymore... but for those of you wondering, no, he didn't ask me if I wanted one.)  Then I gave a really big push, with a scream, and his head came out.  He grabbed my baby's head and said "Sarah, look at your baby" and turned his head to look at me.  I couldn't actually see him, but Justin said it was really funny, because I had a head sticking out on both ends, lol.  Justin is weird like that ;)  I then gave another hard push and at 8:03am the rest of his body came out.  The feeling of him leaving my body was incredible.  They laid him on top of me and I met my little Jacob for the first time.  It was so awesome - such a holy moment.  I kept crying "My baby, my baby!"  My husband got to cut the cord and after they cleaned him up and weighed him (9lbs 4oz, 20.5in), they placed him on my chest and he stayed there for almost an hour. 

During this time my doctor was stitching me up - and I felt every stitch.  I told him that I felt it and he said we could wait and I could get numbed but at that point I just wanted it to be over with so I told him to just finish it.  I swear it took forever for him to stitch me up!  But I didn't care.  Nothing mattered  - I didn't care about anything but my husband and our new little boy.

When our family and friends finally came back in (our group had grown a little), it was like the paparazzi arrived!  Cameras were going off everywhere.  It was so nice having them all there... everyone was so excited.  I was so happy that I couldn't stop crying.  And it's true what they say about labor - that you forget all of the hard stuff as soon as the baby is born.  I remember thinking how horrible labor was and how I never want to experience this again while I was in labor, but as soon as Jacob came out, I forgot all about that and would have gone through it again in a heartbeat.  It was really an amazing experience.

I am so thankful that I had such a "normal" birthing experience.  Nothing scary happened, no complications, and no need for pitocin!! (That was a goal of mine - not NOT use pitocin.  Nurses were amazed that I didn't need any.  I think it's because I held off on the epidural for as long as I did).  I felt like my 12 hour labor went by fairly fast, and although the healing part hasn't been fun, it hasn't been that bad either.  The first week after Jacob was born had so many ups and downs for me.  At times I still can't believe that he is here and that he is ours, but I also can't imagine life without him anymore.  It really puts into perspective what God must have gone through giving up His son for us.  I honestly don't think I could do it.  I would do anything to protect my son.  I love being a mom... words can't describe  the experience of motherhood or the feelings I have for my little guy."